Lone Ranger (2013)

I’m old enough to have watched the original series (if only re-runs) as a kid and it was as enjoyable as Bonanza, Batman, and Tarzan to my recollection. However the conversion from TV show to modern-day big screen was butchered.

Disney already has a dubious history of ruining their reputation that I need not add much. Other than Disney committing to the personal challenge of making sure your children learn about death at some point in nearly every one of their movies. And the Lone Ranger was no exception.

“Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence, and some suggestive material.” That’s a fraudulent understatement! I would hate to see what qualifies as “Rated R” now-a-days, but this has Rated R written all over it! I would not let my 13 year-old watch this film. Even at 17 years of age I would not recommend this film to a person I cared about, let alone my own child. This movie has already given me nightmares and I want my refund for the 149 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back. This movie is officially the worst movie I’ve ever seen in a theater or the drive-in.

My praise of the movie’s short-lived CGI action scenes is dwarfed by all the senseless murder, gore, torture, prostitutes and racial stereotypes just to name a few.

I give this movie a 1 out of 5 because my rating system doesn’t allow for a zero and I hated it!